late in life dreams

Does anyone else remember that I used to sing? Probably not. It sounds stupid, but I used to sing a lot. In pageants, mostly for starters, but that led into weddings, funerals, then eventually in the church and on the worship team.

I don't know when I stopped. Maybe when I left the church. But I haven't sang in a very long time... and I miss it.

Except for when I sang Taking Back Sunday's "Make Damn Sure" a couple months back at karaoke with Todd and Adrienne. That was an absolute hit. Brought the house down.

So, I've been getting into Glee, watching too much of it to be honest and now I want to be on Broadway. Or at least go to a real Broadway show. I don't know enough musicals. Make that any. At all.

It might be a little late for that.

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Did I mention my car broke down? No, because I haven't been writing. Anyway, somehow the oil leaked or burned out and I "spun the bearing", ruined the engine and the entire engine has to be replaced. So, 2grand later, I'll have a brand new car. This is kind of just the way things go for us and I'm pretty much used to it. I can't let it get me down anymore.
Although something.... something needs to change soon. It's not right. People deserve better than the things life tends to give.

I've always believed that a little change could help anything. Color your hair, rearrange the living room, whatever... I need change so bad that I want to relocate to another continent.

...but there'd have to be roller derby.

(it speaks to me)

I had a dream.

yeah, pretty much.

How's it going, world?

Okay, so I guess I failed at my Project 365 which sucks because I was seriously right at 200 photos/days in. I was doing so well. Things just go too chaotic - roller derby several nights a week, work overtaking me because of Scales, stress, money, bills, not to mention the time in the hospital because of a "severe bladder infection" and on and on and on...

Anyway, I'll try to update more often, just to see where this blog goes. More pictures, more posts about roller derby, life in general. I don't vent enough, and I've also stopped keeping a journal, which is very out of character for me. I opened it up the other day and I haven't written in my paper journal since May! And I used to write every, every other day or so. I have so many journals, in my night stand, under my bed, been keeping them for years. Tsk tsk on me. Letting life get the best of me. Or maybe I'm getting the best of life, and I don't have to write about it so much anymore.

Things are changing, some things good, some stressful, but nothing really bad. Just a lot. And honestly, I'm still learning how to be an adult sometimes, and still learning how to handle my anxiety and panic problems.

Wish me luck. That's all for now.